The Top 5 Res Life Skills You Need to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse

It's that time of the year. Halloween. Ghosts, goblins and ghouls. It's a holiday for those who love being scared and being scary.

So in honor of Halloween, let's talk about The Top 5 Res Life Skills You Need to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse: 

1. Occupancy Management. When the Zombies show up for your brains, it would be wise to retreat to your underground shelter. But who is staying in which bed? Do you have enough pillows and sheets? Need some loft kits so you can bunk up and create more space? Your occupancy management skills will come in handy!

2. Rationing Food. Did you mistakenly advertise a hall program to last from 9-11pm only to run out of food by 9:05pm? It's happened to all of us. But you've been polishing the food rationing skills, making sure that there are enough toppings for all those ice cream sundaes you'll need to serve. With the Zombie Apocalypse, you never know how much time you'll be spending in shelter so you'll need to ration your food as strictly as you do those milk and cookies at a hall council event.

3. Active listening. This one will be very handy. First, Zombies kind of drag softly across the ground and often grunt nearly inaudibly as they approach. All that time living in a residence hall has prepared you to hear even the most cat-like movements outside your apartment door - so you should be ready for Zombie visitors! Your active listening skills will also come in handy if you should enter into dialogue with said approaching Zombies. Seated in an open position, ready to receive the grunts and moans with approving nods will help greatly. Repeating and paraphrasing may help put the Zombies at ease and buy you some time to escape.

4. Mediation. Another place your active listening skills will serve you well is mediation. Perhaps you are face to face with a Zombie - ask them what their main concerns are with your existence. Use "I" statements (i.e. "I need you to stop gnawing at my skull" or "I need you to stop grunting so loudly. It's quiet hours.") and try to work out issues before they get out of hand. A behavioral agreement is recommended - get the offending undead to agree to be upfront, honest and open about how they will behave to move forward in a peaceful manner.

5. Delegation. You can't survive off the apocalypse by yourself. But you've assembled a great team to assist you, so use them! Need someone to board up the windows? Ask an RA! Need someone to take inventory of dried goods? Rely on your colleagues! There will be lots of tasks and lots of opportunities for group decision-making - trust your co-workers and maximize your group's effectiveness in keeping the brain-eaters at bay.

Of course, the downside is that because you are dedicated professionals you have spent much time and energy developing skills and acquiring knowledge to make you smarter. Smarter means a bigger brain, right? Bigger brain means more appetizing target for the Zombies. But focus on the skills listed above and I'm sure you'll be fine...

Good luck to you this Halloween!

(*Note: Nothing in this blog post is scientifically accurate. Pretty sure Zombies don't even exist).

(Or do they?....)