The #MenInSA Series: To Bro or Not to Bro

This entry is also posted on The Student Affairs Collective as part of the #MenInSA series

What does it mean to be a man in Student Affairs? I must preface this post by admitting that I have never really spoken to other men about what it means to be a man in this field. I won't generalize the masculine Student Affairs professional experience or try to assume that what I have experienced provides the lens through which other men see their experience, but I can be honest and say that I haven't given the relationship between my gender and my job much thought. But that's the way it often is with men, right? - we don't think of ourselves as gendered beings.

We have about 35-40 staff members who regularly attend Student Life Division functions at my institution. Of those, only 5 are men. So do I think about gender at work? Sure. When I look around the room in most meetings and see only women, it crosses my mind. But more as an observation and less about the power or influence I may have without even being fully aware of it. After all, I did not create the system that gives me an advantage as a man, but I recognize that I am able to simply follow my privilege through the door each morning - something many of my colleagues can't experience.

When I do think of what it means to be a man in Student Affairs, I reflect on my personality and the stereotyped personality of men in this field. I'm 6-foot-5 and 240 pounds. I'm not a small man. Combine that with being introverted and much more likely to listen than speak and I have earned the tag of "being intimidating." Intimidating is not a phrase we often place on those in Student Affairs.

Colin Stewart wrote a post for the #MenInSA blog this month and he said "Being a man in Student Affairs means constantly challenging stereotypes that men aren't all aggressors, dominant, jokers, jocks, idiots or strong silent types. Men can follow, listen, be intelligent, creative, be sensitive, be affectionate and be good partners." I appreciate Mr. Stewart's message because it highlights an unfortunate perspective many in our field have about the need to have all of those qualities be mutually exclusive. We need jocks, we need jokers and we need strong silent types in this field to relate to our male students and bridge the gap between who many of our students are and the men who serve them. Jocks, jokers, strong silent types and even "bros" are capable of following, listening, being creative and sensitive, etc. Contrary to popular belief, being a bro isn't an affliction; being a bro is a complicated and important part of a man's learned behavior. If we are able to understand how our masculine identity intersects with other aspects of our lives, we have the ability to help our bros evolve.

The man mask is most often used to describe how men put on a façade in order to live out socially-constructed definitions of what it means to be manly. Men - often college men - put on the mask to align actions with what they perceive culture's understanding of masculinity to be. The stereotypical man mask is not the image we have of men in Student Affairs. My experience shows me that many male professionals in Student Affairs are forced to put on the man mask to connect with male students. But I find that the mask I put on is one that allows me to fall into what is assumed of men in Student Affairs - "touchy feely," outwardly sensitive, emotionally expressive. It's not that I don't possess these attributes, it's that I feel as though I need to put on the "Student Affairs man mask" in order to live up to the assumed role I should play as a professional.

In an ironic twist, I often feel disadvantaged by not being a gay man. You laugh, but I have been asked many times over the years if I am gay (and often they point to my earring as some sort of indicator. No joke). When I sheepishly admit to being heterosexual, I hear "I kind of assumed most men in res life were gay." Because there's an unfair assumption that in order to do Student Affairs work well, male professionals must possess qualities that are generally associated with gay men (another unfair assumption). So how do I reconcile society's expectations of me as a man versus what a male Student Affairs professional should be versus who I truly believe myself to be? That's a lot of existential thinking, even for a strong silent type.

We've come to understand that the "guy code" can be detrimental to developing healthy masculine identities and that "bro culture" inhibits the men on our campuses from expressing emotion, demonstrating care and understanding their privilege. But what if my default setting is rooted in the code? What if I feel as though I've evolved to place of comfort in understanding my masculinity and can still feel connected to other men by being a "bro"? And not the hipster kind of ironic "being a bro," but actually connecting with and understanding the role that the "guy code" plays in the journey to manhood.

Do I have privilege in my profession because I'm a man? Absolutely. Seen or unseen, conscious or not, I do. But the distinct advantage I have within my own gender is one of understanding how men in Student Affairs can play multiple roles. Feel like that’s not authentic? I’d argue playing multiple (but connected) roles as a man in this field makes you infinitely more genuine than the man who simply finds one mask he likes. So to all the men in Student Affairs, don't strive to be the anti-bro - understand the vital role that both the man mask and the Student Affairs man mask play in your lives as professionals.

Explaining Res Life Through MS Paint

There are many of us of a certain age who first explored creativity on desktop computers using PC Paintbrush. Generously referred to as "graphics editing software," it was an opportunity for a kid to try something on a computer that he could previously only do on paper. The substitution of technology in place of paper was fun and led to some brilliant artistic creations in elementary school computer labs everywhere.

PC Paintbrush became Microsoft Paint and the average computer user gained access to more and more sophisticated graphics editing software, but there's still a little bit of magic and fun left with MS Paint. I decided to dust off the skills and create a few pictures that sum up life in Residential Life. Turns out it's remarkably therapeutic and an awesome way to procrastinate.

Inspired by #MSPaintMonday, which is primarily used by those who talk about college football on Reddit, I give you the res life and student affairs version of a tremendous time-waster...

 

 

I also thought it might be fun to create a few that sum up professional life in student affairs. I was right - it was fun.

Think you have some fun pictures to create? You know you want to try it. I'd love for you to share them - Tweet them to me (@pottscharlie)!

#SAChat Final Thought: Practice Makes Progress

I'm honored to have another post appear on the Student Affairs Collective. It's about the value of writing professionally and why it's important to write, write again and then write some more.

Check it out HERE.

The Top 5 Res Life Skills You Need to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse

It's that time of the year. Halloween. Ghosts, goblins and ghouls. It's a holiday for those who love being scared and being scary.

So in honor of Halloween, let's talk about The Top 5 Res Life Skills You Need to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse: 

1. Occupancy Management. When the Zombies show up for your brains, it would be wise to retreat to your underground shelter. But who is staying in which bed? Do you have enough pillows and sheets? Need some loft kits so you can bunk up and create more space? Your occupancy management skills will come in handy!

2. Rationing Food. Did you mistakenly advertise a hall program to last from 9-11pm only to run out of food by 9:05pm? It's happened to all of us. But you've been polishing the food rationing skills, making sure that there are enough toppings for all those ice cream sundaes you'll need to serve. With the Zombie Apocalypse, you never know how much time you'll be spending in shelter so you'll need to ration your food as strictly as you do those milk and cookies at a hall council event.

3. Active listening. This one will be very handy. First, Zombies kind of drag softly across the ground and often grunt nearly inaudibly as they approach. All that time living in a residence hall has prepared you to hear even the most cat-like movements outside your apartment door - so you should be ready for Zombie visitors! Your active listening skills will also come in handy if you should enter into dialogue with said approaching Zombies. Seated in an open position, ready to receive the grunts and moans with approving nods will help greatly. Repeating and paraphrasing may help put the Zombies at ease and buy you some time to escape.

4. Mediation. Another place your active listening skills will serve you well is mediation. Perhaps you are face to face with a Zombie - ask them what their main concerns are with your existence. Use "I" statements (i.e. "I need you to stop gnawing at my skull" or "I need you to stop grunting so loudly. It's quiet hours.") and try to work out issues before they get out of hand. A behavioral agreement is recommended - get the offending undead to agree to be upfront, honest and open about how they will behave to move forward in a peaceful manner.

5. Delegation. You can't survive off the apocalypse by yourself. But you've assembled a great team to assist you, so use them! Need someone to board up the windows? Ask an RA! Need someone to take inventory of dried goods? Rely on your colleagues! There will be lots of tasks and lots of opportunities for group decision-making - trust your co-workers and maximize your group's effectiveness in keeping the brain-eaters at bay.

Of course, the downside is that because you are dedicated professionals you have spent much time and energy developing skills and acquiring knowledge to make you smarter. Smarter means a bigger brain, right? Bigger brain means more appetizing target for the Zombies. But focus on the skills listed above and I'm sure you'll be fine...

Good luck to you this Halloween!

(*Note: Nothing in this blog post is scientifically accurate. Pretty sure Zombies don't even exist).

(Or do they?....)

Proving Yourself Right

I still get caught up in this. I want to be sure I'm the one with the right answer. And while I'm constantly humbled by the fact that there's no possible way I can know everything, I still want to be right.

I've realized that no matter what I do, there is always someone somewhere doing it better than I ever could. It's the old adage about how it's more important to surround yourself with smart people than to try to be the smartest person in your organization.

It's draining to prove others wrong. It inhibits partnerships and collaboration. It leads to quicker burn-out. And it just makes for a crappy work environment.

So focus on proving yourself right.

• Be an advocate for your own ideas.
• Learn from your failures. (We all make them. Accept it and learn from it).
• Don't forget to celebrate your successes - even the small ones.

Rethinking Education via Social Media

What does social media use teach our students? More importantly, what is it teaching us about how we help students develop? It might be time to rethink our approach.

At our most recent meeting of the Associated Twin Cities College Housing Administrators (ATCCHA), we had an interesting conversation about the use of social media use in professional development. (Check out the Slideshare link - the result of a fun collaboration with Erica Thompson). Prior to the meeting we conducted a brief survey to assess social media use among group members, and respondents were asked to cite concerns they had with student social media use on their campuses. Most focused on the perceived deterioration of skills.

A few examples of our concerns with student use of social media:
"[Students] constantly looking at phones - in and out of class."
"Addiction of quantity over quality of relationships."
"Trying to solve issues passively (being passive-aggressive)."
"Deterioration of in-person skills."
"Lack of professionalism [online]."
"Not understanding 'it's out there forever.'"
"Blurring boundaries with administrators/staff."

Valid questions all. But as I was sharing these survey comments with the group, I began to think more deeply about how these comments - and the approach many of us take to social media use - creates a negative framing of the impact of social media.

We take the adult normative perspective when analyzing our students' social media use. Rey Junco outlines this idea in his book, Engaging Students Through Social Media (a great read - highly recommended), and this view of social media use is problematic because it limits our understanding of how students are processing what they are learning and developing while using these tools.

We need to re-frame our perspective and do what we do in most other aspects of our jobs - find the learning moments and center our ideas of development on the students in front of us. The seven items listed above are all concerns that can be addressed. Rather than looking at the things from our adult normative perspective, we need to be open to the pedagogical potential of social media use. 

• "Deterioration of in-person skills"? Perhaps we should focus on the soft skills and how students can integrate networking tools into real-life situations.
• "Lack of professionalism online"? Let's demonstrate what professionalism on social media looks like and encourage students to take steps to professionalize accounts before a job search.
• "Blurring boundaries with administrators/staff"? Have the tough conversation about the significance and importance of boundaries and how you can hold each other accountable.
• "Students constantly looking at phones - in and out of class"? Give them a reason to connect with your department while they are doing it. Put educational info on their screens. Or even create opportunities to "unplug" and promote aspects of wellbeing that encourage other forms of interaction.

We're educators. As a profession, we spent years and years and years teaching these skills before the creation of social media. Social media is not an imposition, it's just another layer of student identity that informs our approach to assisting in their development.

Reframe. Refocus. Rethink. Instead of assuming social media use is a distraction to daily life for students, grab the positive aspects of it and create opportunities to teach skills that integrate social media use. Shift your thinking about the power of social media use for students and incorporate it into the things you already do so well.

The Ankle Tape Theory

We were fortunate to have a visit from Dr. Henry Emmons this week. Dr. Emmons is a well-known psychiatrist who works with several colleges and is the author of The Chemistry of Joy and The Chemistry of Calm. He focuses primarily on resilience and came to speak with our Division of Student Life staff, students and faculty about building resilience in college students.

Resilience is a thing right now. It's teetering on the edge of being a buzzword in Student Affairs, but it's an emerging area of significance for our profession. Teaching resiliency skills is what will shift us to a proactive profession rather than a reactive profession.

During a focus group discussion today, some of the student affairs staff in the room talked about how we spend time and energy "wrapping around" our students to assist and protect them. This raises questions for me about how much we enable behavior that is not indicative of resilience and how much we limit growth for our students. Do we try so hard to protect that we actually inhibit growth?

The analogy that came to mind for what often happens in student affairs was of having your ankles taped. As any athlete (or washed-up former-wanna-be-athlete like myself) can attest, coaches and athletic trainers always insist upon having athletes tape their ankles for practice and games. The wrapping of ankles in layers of athletic tape stabilizes the muscles and ligaments to shore up against unnecessary contortions and potential injury. Taping limits the mobility of ankles - which lowers the risk of injury. After all, the less we stray from the straight and narrow the less likely we are to fail or get hurt.

Taping is tedious and time-consuming but ultimately gives the athlete peace of mind and a feeling of stability. But the theory always was that taping your ankles every single day ultimately lowered your resistance to injury the next time you did NOT have your ankles taped. The idea was that the security of the tape actually taught your muscles to weaken, therefore actually leaving you much more susceptible to injury when you were out working on your skills by yourself. As Student Affairs professionals, we often wrap our students in this protective layer that ultimately weakens the ability for student to develop the resiliency tools they need to be successful on their own.

I'm not sure if the theory that the constant use of tape actually weakens the muscles underneath is true. I asked the resident expert in my family (my brother-in-law is an athletic trainer in training) and he has heard that theory and said that he's not sure, though he knows for sure that taping an ankle really only truly provides optimal support for the first 15-20 minutes. The protective layer we wrap around our students really only enables them to have a strong start, but the stability begins to fade as they venture out on their own. This is a critique of our profession - we want to be supporters and the people who nudge students in the right direction, but too often I see us propping up, doing work for our students, and often working harder than they are to stay afloat. So whether the ankle tape theory is true or not, we don't really know for sure until we run out of tape.

Dr. Emmons left us with several important things to think about, but perhaps none more important to me than this: "There is no isolated environment." From residence halls to the classroom to the career center to the party on Saturday night - every environment within which our students engage affects them. And we can't insure that we have enough tape to get them through each one.

Teaching resiliency SKILLS is what matters. Knowledge is helpful, but skills - the actual tools - is what will affect our students the most. I encourage you to read, research and understand what resilience means on your campus and for your students and find ways to help teach those skills.

How will you help teach resiliency skills rather than reach for the tape the next time a student needs support?