The Fear of Failure

I spent a few days at the end of January at the ACUHO-I Chief Housing Officer Institute in Atlanta. It was an awesome experience for which I am grateful. Tremendous connections with colleagues from institutions around the country and intensive sessions around topics of all sorts related to college housing.

I was excited to take advantage of the opportunity but apprehensive about what to expect. I often feel I'm still pretty new to this job (this is the middle of my third year) and sometimes I feel naive about my role among colleagues. I've spent my entire career at small, private institutions in Minnesota - a vastly different experience than just about everyone I meet at national conferences.

The conference set-up was fantastic. Detailed, thorough presentations by talented, dynamic chief housing officers and a lot of structured small group time to digest and reflect. The institute faculty were tremendous and provided support, guidance and advice throughout the four days. My small group faculty member was Dan Pedersen, the director at St. Cloud State University in Minnesota. Funny to travel 1,000 miles to connect with someone at an institution that's less than two hours from your home campus. Dan was calm, reassuring and ready to share knowledge with our small group and I owe him a debt of gratitude for making the conference environment so welcoming.

I realized quickly that I felt I was in over my head at the institute. As I took a seat next to folks from the University of South Carolina, Colgate, the University of Florida, etc, I realized that I was not sure how to talk about my experience at Gustavus. Though tremendously proud of my institution, I found myself referring to it and to my experience here as if it was inferior. "Oh just this small private school in Minnesota," or "You've probably never heard of us...," etc.

I'm often motivated by my fear of failure. I think on some level many of us - whether we are honest with ourselves about it or not - are worried that the world will discover that we're frauds. The world will find out that we are just faking our way through, under-qualified and not up to the challenge. I know it's unhealthy to have fear be a motivator - particularly when talking about work. The fear of failure coupled with some grade-A introversion makes it difficult to thrive at events like the CHO Institute. What could I possibly have to share that these people don't know? What if I open my mouth and I don't say the right thing? What if they find out I'm a fraud? After all, my only qualification for attendance was that I paid the registration fee.

I quickly became overwhelmed by what I don't know. 

But then I started to realize I had an authentic story to tell about my own experience. Sure, I don't manage my budget the way a Big Ten public institution would. No, I don't have a staff of 30 to run our operation. No, I haven't been responsible for a major construction project. But I do have experience. I have a unique perspective on issues and I have the ability to both absorb and transmit knowledge that is useful.

Student housing has an incredibly supportive network of professionals. Dan told our small group a couple of times that it's not necessarily about what you don't know, but more about how you take in the knowledge that's shared by the competent professionals that surround you. Each of the faculty members was an "expert" in a specific area, but each readily admitted they didn't know everything about everything - that they are, to some degree, still figuring it all out, too.

My feelings at this institute made me think more deeply about that fear of failure and how it drives much of what I do as a professional. I read an interesting piece in Forbes last spring. It was column called "5 Ways to Conquer Your Fear of Failure," and I actually called it up again while in Atlanta for the conference. 

The article summarizes that a lack of failure means a lack of risk-taking. And as someone who's pretty risk averse (I live in Minnesota and won't walk out onto a frozen lake in the winter. Just too risky. And yes, I realize it's two feet of ice), this is a big challenge for me to accept.

The article encourages us to:

1. Embrace our mistakes - I makes lots of these. Owning them and learning from them is always the hard part, but it will help me understand why it's okay to fail.

2. Stop trying so hard - Pushing hard and only making minimal progress can certainly feel like failure. Usually the solution is right in front of us if we find out how to see it.

3. Ask for help - I hate asking for help. But not asking for help is what almost assuredly leads to my failures. Suck it up and ask for help. As the wise Mr. Pedersen said at the CHO Institute, everyone has their own expertise to lend and it serves you well to ask others for their input.

4. Say no when you're afraid to - I often just say yes because it's the nice thing to do or because it will cause less conflict if I do. And I need to remember this when asking those whom I supervise to take on projects.

5. Say yes when you're afraid to - Attending the CHO Institute was a "yes" to something that scared me. I knew going into it how I might feel in a room full of 50 accomplished professionals, but I took the leap and am thankful that I did. Focus on the great things that could happen with your decision and just say "yes."

I learned quickly that it's okay to be overwhelmed by what I don't know. Being overwhelmed and understanding the things I don't know is what creates for me a desire to learn. My fear of failure is often unfounded, but it keeps me motivated to develop personally and professionally. And I learned that we all know more than we think we do.

The lessons learned at a conference are not always what you intended.

How do you feel about fear as a motivator? Where have you learned your greatest professional lessons? I'd love to hear your thoughts - find me on Twitter @pottscharlie